Holiday Out of Office Message

I wish I could claim credit on this one, but it is actually the out of office message of Nick Giordano, our professional services manager:

Tis the week after Christmas, and I’m not in ‘da house’
I’m not using my computer, not even the mouse.
I will check my email, some here and some there,
In hopes to get back to you with timeliness that’s fair.
 
We’re still fixing PCs, the sick and the dead,
So give us a call, we’ll put issues to bed.
Whatever you need, we’ve got it on tap,
And if you’re nice, we may even gift-wrap.
  Continue reading “Holiday Out of Office Message”

Out of Office Due to Flooded Basement

I didn’t go to the office today because my basement flooded.  I figured I might as well let people know what was going on by setting up my out of office message:

Greetings!

You are probably accustomed to getting these automatic replies when people are on vacation in some exotic place, or at an important business conference.

Unfortunately, this is not one of those times.  This morning I awoke to a flooded basement, so today I am at home dealing with that mess.

Since today’s technology allows me to work anywhere, I’ll be on email, but it may be a slightly slower turnaround than to what you are accustomed.  I will only be checking and responding to urgent messages as time allows me to between emptying my wet/dry vac, calls to the insurance company, and paying the bills of the plumbers and carpet cleaners.

If you have a service request or technical issue, please e-mail…….

If you need immediate assistance, please contact our service desk at (513) 469-6500 option #1.

Why the funny message?  Find out here: http://blog.timrettig.com/outofoffice/

Thank you!

I hope I don’t ever have to use that message again……

Harry Potter Out of Office Message

Greetings Fellow Muggle!

I have taken the Hogwarts Express to Orlando, Florida for a business meeting with my peer group, and an industry conference. I will return to the office on Monday, November 14, 2011.

You know me, I’ll be on email, but it may be a slightly slower turnaround than to what you are accustomed. I will only be checking and responding to urgent messages as time allows me to between Quidditch matches, meetings and battling He Who Must Not be Named.

If you have a service request or technical issue, please send an owl to our support team.

If you need immediate assistance, please contact our service desk at (513) 469-6500 option #1. Ask to speak with Dumbledore.

Full Disclosure: My eight year-old son Ethan helped me write this e-mail. While I am here I am also going to be visiting a certain theme park with my family. Maybe you have been able to figure it out from the hints in this message.

Thank you!

The Toaster Effect

Saturday, my wife Mary returned from a shopping trip with a new toaster. When I saw it in her pile of newly purchased merchandise, I innocently asked, “Did our toaster break?”

“No,” she replied, “I just thought it was time for a change.”

I quickly did the math in my head, and replied, “Okay, sounds good.”

I came to the conclusion that there were two good reasons why her purchase garnered an almost “Yes, dear” reply:

 1. She has put up with me purchasing about every new piece of technology in the house when the obsolete device usually worked just fine, in her view. She didn’t say a thing when, in just a few years stretch, we went from a VCR to DVD to HD-DVD to Blu-Ray. She also hasn’t complained that we currently have four different cameras we use on a regular basis.

2. I didn’t know how old the toaster was, but I was pretty sure we might have received it as a wedding gift 16 years ago. I haven’t kept up with toaster technology, but I would suspect, in that timeframe, someone has dreamed up some new features.

Later that day, I wandered over and took a look at the fancy new toaster she had purchased. It was stainless steel, which matched all of our appliances. The old toaster was white and matched the appliances in our old kitchen. The old toaster also had a single dial on it that only set the darkness of the toast.

The new toaster had buttons for different things that could be toasted, like bagels, frozen waffles, and of course, toast. I was pleased with the new purchase and glad she was the one who must have fretted over all of the different models at the store. The new toaster was a welcome new addition to our household.

That was, until the next day. Continue reading “The Toaster Effect”

Wandering Indiana Out of Office Message

Greetings!

Today, Monday, October 10, 2011 I will be wandering Indiana, taking in the fall foliage. In the midst of my wandering, I have client meetings in Greensburg and Indianapolis, Indiana.

Greensburg’s claim to fame in the Hoosier State is the tree that is growing out of the roof of the courthouse steeple. You can read about it here:

http://www.cityofgreensburg.com/history.html

You know me, I’ll be on email, but it may be a slightly slower turnaround than to what you are accustomed. I will only be checking and responding to urgent messages as time between wandering, meetings and fall foliage allows me to.

If you have an urgent service request or technical issue, please e-mail our support desk.

If you need immediate assistance, please contact our service desk at (513) 469-6500 option #1.

Thank you!

Minneapolis Out of Office Message

Greetings!

Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday this week (8/30 to 9/1) I am in Minneapolis at a CEO Forum to learn about ways to improve the way INTRUST is run. The event is being held at the beautiful and lavish Minneapolis Airport Marriot, which features in room coffee and some mean karaoke in the bar after 7PM.

You know me, I’ll be on email, but it may be a slightly slower turnaround than to what you are accustomed. I will only be checking and responding to urgent messages as time between meetings and karaoke practice allows me to.

If you have an urgent service request or technical issue, please e-mail our support desk.

If you need immediate assistance, please contact our service desk at (513) 469-6500 option #1.

Thank you.

Grunge Band Out of Office Message

Greetings!

This week (8/8 to 8/12) I am in in Seattle and Portland meeting with Intel, Microsoft, and other companies in the IT industry as I continue my never-ending quest to learn about all kinds of technologies that I will be implementing in my company and yours in the coming years.

I may also find myself donning some flannel and joining a grunge band.

You know me, I’ll be on email, but it may be a slightly slower turnaround than to what you are accustomed. I will only be checking and responding to urgent messages as time between meetings and jam sessions allow me to.

If you have an urgent service request or technical issue, please e-mail our support desk.

If you need immediate assistance, please contact our service desk at (513) 469-6500 option #1.

Thank you.

Gatlinburg Out of Office Message

Greetings!

 I am currently on a family vacation in Gatlinburg, TN with 17 people. If all goes as planned and we stay civil to one another, I will be back in the office Monday June 27th. That is, of course, as long as I am not attacked by a bear while hiking.

You know me, I’ll be on email, but it may be a slightly slower turnaround than to what you are accustomed. I will only be checking and responding to urgent messages as time and bear attacks allow.

If you have an urgent service request or technical issue, please e-mail our support desk.

If you need immediate assistance, please contact our service desk at (513) 469-6500 option #1.

Thank you.

Motivation to Change Your Password

In a previous post I explained what a botnet is and how criminals use them to attack certain targets on the Internet.   In that article, I equated those botnets to the battle droids used in Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace.  In this article, I have an even more outlandish story to tell.  The main character of this story is Aaron Barr, CEO of Security firm HBGary .  He reminds me of the main character Tony Stark in the Iron Man movies.  Sometimes you love him, sometimes you hate him, and sometimes you just feel sorry for him.  While Tony Stark’s weakness was the shrapnel coursing through his veins, Aaron Barr’s weakness was his simple use of a single password between multiple online systems.

Aaron Barr thought he could track down the identity of hackers using social media.  He thought if he did this, it would generate a lot of publicity for his company.  In order to generate as much publicity as possible, he went after a hacker group called “Anonymous”.  It is believed that this group orchestrated an attack on credit card companies in retaliation for blocking Wikileaks funding channels.  The entire story can be read here, but suffice it to say, Aaron befriended some of the members of the group.  He followed through with his plan by giving them reason to trust him, but then turned on them and threatened to expose what he believed to be their true identities.  Aaron acted as a renegade in his investigation and even people within his own company were sometimes critical of his motives and actions .  For instance, the way in which he was identifying the hackers using social media was unproven and undocumented.  Aaron was unwilling to share details of how his system worked with anyone.  He either didn’t know who to trust, or didn’t have the data to backup his claims. Continue reading “Motivation to Change Your Password”